To My Ducklings

I have avoiding writing this for far too long. It seems too hard. Too massive to tackle. What I want to say is so much more than I know I will be able to capture here…so now it’s a matter of sheer will to stay put until I have finished.

For the past five years I have coached girls’ basketball at my high school alma mater. That’s a simple straightforward sentence to summarize a half decade of what feels like the exact opposite. Coaching is absolutely wild. But this blog post is not about that.

Today is about doing what I ask them to do every day: Give it their best shot. No matter how strong the fear of failure… risk it, dare greatly. Today is about writing out some things I need to say to my girls. Things I have waited too long to verbalize. Things I need them to hear.

1. Coaching you reveals my weaknesses. There were so many times that I failed you or could have done things better. I never intended to; I always strived for the opposite. But that is kind of the point. Every year I learned more about myself and learned from past mistakes which means you lived through imperfect coaching.

2. I am sorry if I ever hurt you. The position as coach can provide a lot of influence over your emotions, your thoughts, your perceptions. I am sorry if I ever had a negative impact on you and did something that caused you permanent pain. I am sorry if you ever felt “less than” because of me. You have always been MORE THAN to me.

3. Intersecting lives with you was a gift. It does not matter what level of the program, how many years I coached you, or what the season looked like in the win-loss column… I got to spend time with you. I have never stopped being amazed at this:

for some specific reason, for a specific time period of your life,

God let me spend almost every single day with you.

You were placed at Wheaton North, I was placed there at the same time. And our lives intersected. That hits me. It impacts me. It humbles me. It makes me smile. It makes me want to know all the specific reasons why, and I might not get all those answers in this life.

4. You are unique. You are special. Each year was different. Each team was different than the last. Each season looked and felt different from the one before and after. But that was the fascinating part. Each one of you is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. You have different weaknesses yes, but your strengths are all so stunning, so beautiful, so varied, and so incomparable. Each one of you is so gifted in such intricate, individual, and distinct ways. There is no doubt in my mind you were created for specific purposes that NO ONE else can fulfill. I literally saw the foundation for them every single day. YOU inspired me. Not someone else. Not another version. So do not waste any time trying to be any one else. Figure out who God wants YOU to be. What He wants YOU to do. Pursue THAT.

5. You are ridiculously fun to be around. You have given me a unique set of experiences and memories I will not be able to find in any other realm. From gyms to parking lots, on bus rides and in hallways, I have enough random and hysterical moments to last a lifetime. Your personalities bubbling and colliding with one another create authentic and unfiltered highlight reels for the record books.

6. You invaded my life and my heart. You asked me more questions than I thought you would ever care about. You analyzed and gave feedback on my wardrobe choices. You revealed to me the mannerisms I did not know I had and even imitated them for me. You tried to find patterns and reasons for my hair styles. You let me know when I looked tired or sick. You want to figure out exactly where I live. Some of you even watched my relationship with Steve go from the young guy sometimes showing up in the stands, to serious boyfriend who learned your names, to the man who put a ring on my finger, to my husband who I went home to after practice. Sometimes you would confuse me, stump me, frustrate me, or get me all fired up. I thought about you long after practices and games were over; early in the morning, in the shower, during passing periods, while driving, making dinner, laying in bed at night, and all the random times in between. I think about you more than you know because I care about you more than you can imagine. I have prayed for you at times you did not know it. You bring me immense joy and happiness, and such a refreshing source of gratitude.

7. I underestimated you…but in the best way possible. Every time I thought I had you figured out, you surprised me. Every time I thought I had newer and more accurate expectations, you shattered them. Every time I thought I had ideas like “teammate” well-defined and figured out, you would come along and redefine it in the most powerful and beautiful ways. I thought that I could not possibly be more proud, and then I found myself stunned by what you do and who you are.

8. You probably have it backwards. People thank me for spending time with you. It’s almost as if I am viewed as the one always giving something and you are the ones always receiving something from me. Maybe it is because I could teach you something you did not know about the game of basketball. Maybe it’s because I was the one in the position of authority. Maybe it’s because I’m older than you. But the truth is, I received far more than I could ever give back to you. I was the one learning from and inspired by a dozen different girls every single day. I was the one who got the front row seat to watch you grow in hundreds of ways. I was the one whose blessings were multiplied. I was the one so often overwhelmed with the gift of coaching you that tears would stream down my face as I drove home.

9. I will never stop caring about you. You are in. For life. You have been woven into the fabric of my life and you will always mean more to me than you realize. Even after you graduate, I still will feel a sense of protection over you, a longing to love on and encourage you, a desire to have your back for what lies ahead. I cannot wait to keep being blown away by all you are. I cannot wait to keep seeing your story unfold.

10. Thank you. That will always feel like such an inadequate ending to this list, but it is the place I always land. Utterly and entirely, overwhelmingly thankful. You have changed my life and changed me, and most definitely for the better. Thank you.

#thankfulness #transition #grace #growing