iPhones, Laundry, and New Perspectives

Two weeks ago I managed to wash my iPhone with a load of sheets.

Without going into the unnecessary details, I ended up getting the replacement nearly two weeks after the incident and here is what I learned:

I am more of a hypocrite than I realized, and those days provided an unexpected gift.

As a high school teacher, I have a front row seat to some of the trends, fads, phrases, and nuances of adolescents these days. So sometimes, I tease my students about the dynamics I notice. Those conversations can turn into bigger “life lesson” talks, but sometimes they are spoken and stay as small pieces of advice offered… offered from someone who wants to help them stand out from the masses and resist the pulling and pushing of their peers.

One example of this is the shocking replacement of asking questions with simply making statements. Somewhere along the way questions like “May I go to the bathroom?” or “May I please get one of those worksheets?” became obsolete and “I really need to go to the bathroom” or “I don’t have that” is somehow fully accepted and completely common. It’s a subtle shift, a seemingly small change, but feels remarkably different on the receiving end.

What I have noticed is that if I talk about it with them in a genuinely caring way, something very fascinating happens. They start to hear it. Not only the statements themselves, but they also begin to hear the worst part: the more demanding and selfish undertones embedded within those words.

Suddenly, they begin noting how surrounded they are by statement-making peers, and even laugh at the sheer quantity of should-be questions they discover in a given day. But some of my students reach the deepest level of awareness- the kind that only comes when they own the difference and try to completely rid their speech of these statements. It feels wild and humorous until it begins to hit closer to home…

I have stood patiently while students start and stop, start and stop, and then finally surrender saying, “I do not know how to ask it as a question.” That is when they realize it is a problem. That is when they finally begin relearning how to ask questions.

But by far, the single most alarming dynamic that continues to take center stage is the addiction to phones. And I truly do not use that word lightly here. When once again asking them to put their phones away, I poke fun and remind them that the first step is “admitting addiction”. But every day, class after class, I am continually reminded how unaware they are that their phones are both crippling them and controlling the vast majority of their day.

But lately, my students’ unawareness is not replaying in my mind when I drive home from school. Instead, like a few of them, it’s my new self-awareness that is taking center stage:

I did not know how much of a hypocrite I was until my own phone went through the washer.

You see, I never believed I was completely immune to some level of phone addiction... I instead believed a much more nuanced lie. I operated on the comforting but faulty mindset that noticing and talking about the problem with my students inherently creates a higher level of self-awareness.

Maybe, on some level, it did.

But a far deeper level of revelation came only when the problem was removed altogether.

I cannot stop thinking about how different those 11-12 days felt…

Somehow, during a much busier, and in many ways more stress-filled week of demands, my mind felt more at rest.

Somehow, during a span of days when I truly had less time to spare, time passed just one notch slower.

Somehow, when I should have been less “efficient”, I felt more focused, more attentive.

An unwanted phone accident did not cause inconvenience but unexpected freedom. The pressure to always be available was quite literally washed away.

And surprisingly, the result was not an increased worrying about missing out. Instead, I found days of feeling deeply present and a contentedness in that.

It was only when a small box totally surprised us on the doorstep, a box containing my new fancy-shmancy iPhone everyone was so excited to see, that I realized part of me was not so thrilled about its arrival.

I felt hesitant.

That’s when I knew how undeniably different those days really had felt… And how much I did not want that to end.

Just like my students, I could finally see it. I noticed how eerily natural it was for my fingers to begin to just click on apps and scroll mindlessly during a split second of transition, or of quiet, or during the exact opposite. I noticed how much of my phone activity was default addiction versus any sort of real purposeful action.

So what now? Just slide back into the norm?

No, I don’t think so. Not when I’ve seen something .

In all honesty, the retraining is sometimes just as awkward as the starting and stopping when my students cannot form a question.

But this hypocrite had her eyes opened a little bit… And I plan on fighting to preserve the view.

#growing