Flat-Screen Epiphanies

The other day my in-laws sent a picture of a flat-screen TV box in a family group text prompting an immediate thread of enthusiastic replies. They have been teased for quite some time about the lack of sharpness and “HD-ness” of figures on their previous screen. A few days later, I called my mother-in-law to wish her Happy Birthday and while we chatted, more explanation surfaced: “We realized if we get a bigger TV then we have to get an entire new console or stand and that is even more money, and then if you make that change you feel like you should get an even bigger TV… it’s just a cycle. In fact, we are noticing that the edge of this new one is so thin, we have gained multiple inches of screen area even though it is the same size TV.” Once she spoke these words, I felt both thankful for their refreshing perspective, but also for the metaphor I knew it created for so many other dynamics in life. That very evening, as I shifted green beans on the stove, I received a notification that I had a new follower on the Instagram for my blog. I felt incredibly humbled that somehow 99 people would follow my “journey with words” and gratitude for their support along this vulnerable new path for me. As I finished wiping down the kitchen counters, I began to mentally switch gears. I knew it had to be a writing night. So I willed myself to move my feet to the stairs. I absent-mindedly searched for motivation from a few of the blogger’s feeds that I respect. That is when I noticed that one of the bloggers around my age has over 4100 followers…

“Small” does not even begin to describe what I felt as I stared at that number on my phone screen…

Willpower evaporated. Insecurity suffocated inspiration. That all too familiar train of comparison was already pulling out of the station, and it would soon be a runaway train if I let it. It was time to pull the brakes. It was time to dig out, refocus, and dwell on truth. And thankfully, Lysa TerKeurst’s book “Uninvited” had provided a recent deposit of powerful perspective-shifting thoughts. So after quieting the voices of comparison, I somehow ended up right back at the words of my mother-in-law. “It’s just a cycle…” Humbled, had twisted into humiliation far too quickly tonight.

And then that sweet, gentle voice cut through all the noise: “Who matters more? Them, the numbers on that screen, or me? It cannot be both. Why do you keep thinking they will validate what I placed on your heart? It is between you and I. You need to keep submitting, obeying, trusting. I am asking you to do so, in THIS, right now. Why do you still want their approval? You have mine. It is more than enough. You matter deeply to me. Rest, do not ignore, rest in my love.

Why do you feel ashamed? I am here. I can handle your weaknesses. In fact, I made you how I intended. I have a plan for the parts of you that you so often wrestle against. Just return to me over and over again. Tell me. I will help you sort through it all.” Stillness. Perspective. Peace. Small victories. Just like the small victory of choosing to stay with the same size TV. Choosing to reject the unnecessary cycle. Choosing to be content. Choosing to see the gift. Tonight I pray that whoever you are, wherever you are, and however you got here, you know there is someone else who if she’s honest, has to keep fighting the battle to choose these things day after day, hour by hour, sometimes even minute by minute. I do not know what it is for you, I do not know if it is anchoring the longing to be known and understood in the Word and presence of God, resisting the addiction to affirmation and acknowledgement, or something else deeply rooted in your being. But I do know God wants to interact with you about it. So choose to do just that. And to you 99 people out there- I am so very grateful. It is one thing to write words, an entirely other thing to share them…

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

#comparison #writing #thankfulness #motivation