October Song

Something about the phrase “Indian Summer” sounds dreamy, even lyrical, the perfect backdrop for a deeply moving film. This fall has been just that. The weather keeps surprising us, stringing together even more days of short-sleeves and warm blustery air. So far there have been less chilly mornings spent rushing from door to door and more afternoons spent outside with open windows and screen doors; more evening drives with windows down, less layers and jackets worn. It seems everyone is taking more spontaneous walks and bike-rides, finding more reasons to get outside because it is “just too beautiful not to”. It has been wonderful and inspiring yet we all know it will not last forever.

Sure enough, last week brought midwest October as we usually know it. It demanded a light jacket as the sky stretched on like a thick grey blanket. The enjoyment I had been squeezing out of each Indian Summer day had convinced me that I would dread the day when we would snap back to the reality that is Chicagoland fall. But surprisingly, as I drove that afternoon I felt grounded and anchored, more thankful than disappointed.

That evening, our close friends called with a change of plans. None of the nearby Walgreens could get the medicine their baby needed before they left town for the weekend. So we devised a plan for the girls to make the trek out to retrieve it while the guys stayed home with the baby. We hopped in the car and jumped right into our questions about the past jam-packed couple of weeks. There was an unspoken appreciation for those minutes together and we snatched up every minute discussing the hard and the hilarious, the great and the gut-wrenching, and all the things stuck somewhere in-between.

Her intentionality about our friendship is humbling, but it is her honesty that is life-giving. Every time I am with her I leave with the sense that she trusts me, removes all her filters, and continually invites me into her life as it truly is: raw, real, and whatever it is right now. That friendship has become a deep well for God’s blessing because it allows me to do the same.

She is showing me that motherhood has been the most incredible, the most gratifying, the absolute hardest thing she has ever done…and it has been all of those things at once. I can undeniably see that there is something so beautiful being created in the days that are simultaneously breaking her down. I am learning that motherhood is somewhat like those true October days. They contain a beauty buried a little behind the surface, a beauty more grounded than the fleeting days of an Indian Summer. They anchor you, demand all of you, bring you back to the reality of today, the right now that is actually unfolding.

There is no doubt I love the 75 and sunny with the trees ablaze and glowing. It makes me dream and wander, and I think we were created to do those things. But too long in that state can sometimes keep us chasing, running but not returning, and sometimes confusing our hearts without us even knowing.

Those October days sing a song of which my heart knows the tune. It is a more complex symphony, a combination of chords that resonate and penetrate much deeper into who my soul. That song contains a richness powerful enough to reflect the complicated parts of both our days and our hearts. That song feels exactly right; masterfully orchestrated. This life is not a fleeting dream, it is far more beautiful than that...

As glorious as those Indian Summer days are, we appreciate them far more when they land between the grey days. And when the blazing yellows and burning reds, the deep color palette of fall, is set against a grey backdrop, we notice and marvel just a little bit more. I think God knew that. He continually knows and makes beauty more complex than we can dream. I think He wants to keep creating that in real-time, in our raw moments, in our right nows.

I am thankful for a friend who reminds me of a beauty mixed among the mundane. I am thankful for an October song that anchors me and grounds me in a complex and beautiful way.

#thankfulness #beauty