The Road to Radical

The title alone sounds far more brave than what I feel as I type those words. But somewhere along the way a seed got planted, the right words fell like water on the soil of my heart, and that tiny seedling of a thing starting struggling for life.

I have never once considered myself to be a “radical” individual. I am find comfort in meeting expectations and reward in trying to exceed them. Although I have always been drawn to deep connections with the people I love, the underside of that tug has led to consistent struggles with people-pleasing and perfectionism. Maybe I owe it to my middle child adaptability, but it sometimes feels far more natural to chameleon to my environment than to speak up, rock the boat, and cause waves. In fact, I am not a fan of choppy waves, I would rather sit in the perfectly serene, the still, the tranquil.

And yet that small voice, that almost whisper, is getting bolder, and I find it harder and harder to ignore.

The road to radical…

You could argue it is just a lofty phrase, a wild idea, a by-product of my reading list this fall.

But that does not ring true. It feels weightier, more loaded with truth. The path seems more narrow than wide, and that sure sounds familiar.

I have a distinct memory of talking to one of my friends in college about my inner struggle. I was shaken by the seeming disconnect between the life I wanted to live, and the one I found myself living. I remember questioning out loud with her- “If I truly believe what I say I believe… then shouldn’t everything change? Shouldn’t it be so overwhelming that it takes over everything, every part of my life? And if it hasn't, then do I really even get it? Do I really even grasp the gospel for what it really is?”

Since I first posed those questions, God keeps revealing more of Himself and what HE does. Every single time I have chosen to obey, trusting in Him for the way, I have been overwhelmed with His response. Every. Single. Time.

The road to radical…

Like a title for a song I have not yet written, or a mission statement for the work I do not yet know, or the theme for the quest I long to consciously begin. Did it start way back then? Has that simple phrase come to me to name something God has been weaving and revealing for years?

I see others who have truly found it, and I look at their lives… no it’s not tidy and no it’s not always noticed. But it is staggeringly beautiful and it is bringing the Kingdom. My soul thirsts for that.

But fear…self-doubt…comparison…inadequacy.

The road to radical sounds harder than what I may be willing to face, too demanding than my selfishness is willing to embrace. The road to radical sounds brave, selfless, and I know it requires overwhelming amounts of sacrifice. So in many ways, it sounds like a path requiring the opposite of what I feel.

I am not like the people I see already walking the path. I do not know if I would obey like they do. I do not know if I would risk my own comfort to that level.

But for some reason it keeps beckoning like a much gentler call…

What if focusing on what I think it requires is the first step in getting it all wrong?

What if the first step in the road to radical requires stepping out precisely when you feel inadequate. Maybe this is the only way to start. Step when I doubt my own resolve. Step when I fear my worst weaknesses. Step into the path I know on my own I am incapable of traveling. Step into trusting His power to forge the road to radical.

Verbalize the desire to obey and acknowledge the resistance I already feel.

Trust the One with the power to transform.

In spite of my weakness, grasp for the grace to somehow live the life He planned.

That sounds far more right than waiting to somehow feel sufficient. No, I have learned the hard way a sense of self-sufficiency is the first sign of a cold and deadened heart.

I need the other kind of sufficiency, the one Paul describes so beautifully:

“Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit.”

2 Corinthians 3: 5-6

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Four words, mysteriously written on my heart.

The meaning behind those four words is so very unknown. But HE is more than capable to explain and reveal His intention for them in my life. It may not mean a grand adventure, it may simply mean He resurrects the seemingly mundane.

But it keeps beckoning and calling, so my first act of obedience is acknowledging its name.

#growing #grace #time #purpose